He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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