i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
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