iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
