i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
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