There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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