Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
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