I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
she looked like the before picture.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
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