Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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