guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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