Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
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