Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
