Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Randomize
