I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
