Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
Randomize