just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
