Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
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