i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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