This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
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