Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize
