I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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