Umm I'm too high to move.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
May the power of my ass compel you!!
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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