You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Randomize
