we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
