so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
I have fence marks all over my body
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
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