I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Randomize
