So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Randomize
