Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
