No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
