I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
