hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
