people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize