Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
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