just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
