sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
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