That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
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