He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
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