Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
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