I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
