Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
