I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Still dying that you shit outside
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
