He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Randomize
