Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
