I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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