Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
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