you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
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