i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Randomize