I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize
