Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
