now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
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