i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
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