I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
