apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
Randomize
