I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize
