Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
Randomize