i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
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