My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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