You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
We need a shit load of segways right now
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Randomize