guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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