i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Randomize
