I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
