I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
I just found puke in my bra..
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
